The biggest issue for me has always been the drive and determination to do what needs to be done. I have a lot of steps laid out for me to follow over the next...uh, lifetime...but I'm three days into it and I can already feel my resolve weakening. I've been lazy today. I haven't read anything and my mind has mostly been a big blob instead of being constantly focused. I know I can't expect to jump into this and be perfect right away. Discipline takes time to build. It's hard. It's grueling. I'm sure the fact that it's bothering me that I haven't done all I feel I should today is a good thing, but it doesn't comfort much.

God has done some amazing things though. I can't think of a time where I've been so joyful in the face of such sorrow before. I've never been one to hold in feelings, but I've been able to funnel those into my dealings with God instead of venting them to anyone and everyone who will listen. Yes, I do find myself weak at times and I'll start talking to whoever is around, but I don't fall apart like I used to in the same type of situation anymore. God is truly growing me, and I pray he will continue. It won't be easy, but it is necessary and glorious.