The Speed of Time

It's amazing how much can happen in so little time. The largest thing that has happened was meeting my mom's new boyfriend. It's an interesting conundrum. How do you treat a man like that. There isn't any good reason to hate him. He hasn't done anything wrong. But, isn't a little bit of a betrayal to my father to accept this man? Under other circumstances, I might actually enjoy this man, but I can't get over the guilt I'd feel if I start liking this guy. I would never be rude or mean. I was raised better than that, and my personality doesn't allow me to be mean to anyone. I guess it's just one of those things I'll have to figure out in my own time. God and I will have some good chats in the near future to figure it out. There is a lot of things God and I need to figure out, but faith is what it's all about. Maybe when I learn to be totally God dependent, then I can start living my life to the fullest. Something has always seemed to be missing. I've found temporary fixes for that hole, but none have patched it permanently. Just another one of my short-comings. So many to work on.

Recent Revelations

I've always had a tendency to publish my life to those I know. I've learned to use open communication as my way of coping with the issues that present themselves in my life. But I've realized recently that my ways are flawed. Expressing my concerns about friends, family, career...mostly life in general to others around me does little to correct the shortcomings I've noticed about the world. Plus, it can appear that all I do is complain. Building lasting relationships is difficult when all I do is express how much the world has let me down.

This should come as no real surprise for me though. God said the world is only a temporary place for us. It is not meant to be perfect or even comfortable. People consistently strive for happiness and joy when God promised us, as Christians, that life would be filled with pain. God's will doesn't always consist of peaceful fields filled with fragrant flowers. God wants us to grow in him, and growth is always synonymous with pain (ever heard of growing pains...not the show with Kirk Cameron playing Mike Seaver). God doesn't expect us to understand it, enjoy it, or even be content with it. All he wants is for us to consistently strive to be closer to him through faith. Jesus himself struggled with this topic. Just before being arrested, Jesus spent the night praying harder than any man probably ever has. He begged and pleaded with his father for another way. He didn't want to endure the physical, mental, and spiritual suffering and pain that was about to come. His body was torn by whips, pierced by spears, thorns and nails, and bruised by the constant beatings he had to endure. His emotions were leveled by the rejection of his own people who screamed "crucify him, crucify him." His spirit tested by the sin of every person to ever live. Jesus didn't enjoy any of this, and he wasn't content with what was happening. However, he kept his faith in his father and finished what he was sent here to do. He saved us and gave us the only way to a better world. He calls us to follow in his footsteps. All it takes is faith.

“I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)